God Teaching Me Things...The Hard Way

"But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you."
I Peter 5:10

Do you ever just get humbled sometimes? I think the last couple of days have been very humbling for me. God, through some situations is showing me things in my life things I need to fix. I have been living in mediocrity too long. I have been discouraged and lost focus. Lost my drive and ambition. Lost purpose in life. Part of it was my workload. I was a working a job full-time, going to school full-time, and was a boyfriend full-time. On weekends I would drive to Visalia, CA, a three hour drive one way, preach and teach, then drive the three hours back to start the week over again. No time for rest, studying, or homework. I did this for a whole semester and it wore me out. It wore me out physically, mentally, socially, and worst of all spiritually. I was spiritually drained. Only recently have I begun to "recharge." My eyes are starting to focus again and I am being renewed with purpose. Like a thirsty runner taking in a gulp of cold, fresh water. Unfortunately there have been some casualties in my endeavor to stretch myself. I forgot about my testimony, why I was in school, who I was serving and - well - I lost purpose. I almost forgot my first love, Christ. Was my plate full? Yes. Was it too full? No. God knew that I could handle it, He knew it would break me, however, He also knew that I would come back stronger and more refined. How I feel now is ten times more than how I felt before my taking on of this load. There's something there now. I just can't explain the work and the things that God is showing me in my life. My devotions are sweet. My prayers are felt. My burdens are real. My face is set. My goals are clear. I want to serve God. I feel the need to be better, to excel who I am. The past couple of days I have been reading books, meeting with people, and seeking council. What about? My future, God's plans, my development into the man that God is preparing me to be. God has been telling me that I need to be more spiritually focused. That mediocrity is no longer acceptable but only my best. That the only way to accomplish much for God is to strive to be my best for Him. He is telling me that character is the heart of the leader. His eyes are spiritually focused. His testimony is his resume. His guard is always up. He is vigilant and sober. His feet are solid, yet swift, bringing good tidings. His hands build walls of protection and destroy strongholds of the adversary. His mouth is a tool to glorify God and pray for his companions. He is a warrior against iniquity and a mentor to his peers. He is a teacher to those younger than him, and compassionate to those around him. A seeker of truth and a caster of vision. His goals are seen by others and they desire to be near him. I feel I am just beginning my journey to become this man.